For those of you who don't know me in real life, this will come as a suprise. I am a fat. Not husky, not overweight, not burlesque, or volvuptious, but just fat. I have been for the majority of my life and it is not that I haven't tried to diet. You name it and I've been tried it; for a while it works and then life gets stressful and I slip in a chocolate covered puddle. I'm not happy with my weight. I realize that it is destroying my health. However, it is the way I am right now and so I have to deal with it.
My best friend is getting married. I am not a bridesmaid. With some reluctance, she asked me to read a poem. Her sister and her nieces are her bridesmaids and I have not problem with that. Her Maid of Honor I struggle with a bit, since Jen was banned from her wedding, but Heather is thin and beautiful. Jen loves me. She is my cousin as well as my friend and so I have known her throughout her entire life. We've been best friends for the last 10 years. She doesn't mean to hurt my feelings. She wants me to play the role of maid of honor, she just doesn't want me to mess up the photograph. I was thinking about all of this and that made me think about online classes and I realized that the fact that you can't see me might be the reason I like them so much. People get to know me for who I am as a person through my writing. Unless, I make a concious choice, the majority of you who read this will never know what I look like. When I write, I feel like I can truly be the person that I am.
Okay. Done.
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I am sorry you are unhappy with your weight. I know what a constant struggle this can be everyday. It is like you have an enemy in your head that doesn't ever give up.
ReplyDeleteI would love to talk to you about this. I have been through 2 years of counseling after being diagnosed with a serious eating disorder. It is not a fun path, but there is hope.
Thanks for the support. Please feel to e-mail me through the UCO account.
ReplyDeleteWe really do live in a superficial society where people judge the book by the cover. It's sad that so many people don't take the time to get to know the person inside before making a harsh decision and writing them off. It took a lot of courage to write that blog and I commend you for it!
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