Grandpa

I am fortunate to have my grandparents still in my life. My entire life they have given me unconditional love and support. When my mom and I were broke, they bought me school clothes. When I had a speech tournament, they showed up to watch me. When I fell apart, their home was open to me. I just walk in and feel safe. I wonder how they do that?

My grandpa turns 80 today. He's smart and funny and full of life. We talk every night just to check in. A couple of weeks ago, we had an arguement and I was totally freaked out about it, but he still called me the next day. He tells me the truth whether I want to hear it or not and he will always be there!

Happy 80th, Grandpa!

Tired..

This week I found my self living for friday and I hate it when I do that. I truly want to enjoy each day, but it seems like there is so much to do and so little time to do it that life just passes by in a frenized moment. Teaching is hard. There are so many papers to grade, lesson plans to write, kids to calm down, state tests to give, and paperwork to fill out that sometimes I don't feel like I get to teach and then real life gets in the way. My sister was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in January; she made it through surgery and the one really big dose of radiation and honestly we thought that was enough. Then my brother got sick. Thirty years old and he has cancer in his colon, his liver, his lymph nodes, and maybe his pancrease. His been given anywhere from 3 months to 5 years to live. The crazy thing is that he is finally pulling his life back together. He was accpeted into a two year PTSD clinic, but now he doesn't think he even has two years. It just seems wrong that both my siblings have been diagnosed with cancer in the last four months. I feel guilty and helpless.

All of that was really whiny...but I feel better after getting it all out on "paper".

Change..

Can you pinpoint the second something changes or does it happen so gradually that one day the change catches you by surprise? I can't remember the moment I fell in love with him, I just know that one day I looked at him, tried to imagine my life without him, and realized I was in love with him. I didn't make a choice to love him because I don't know if I had been asked that if I would have said "yes". I knew that love was hard. I did make little choices everyday, like studying with him, having dinner, and allowing him to hear some of my secrets that brought me to that one big moment of realization...

In January my sister was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer. She finished her treatments at the end of February and last week we found out my brother has Colon Cancer. There was no gradual change in these situations. One moment life was fine and the next it wasn't.

All of this has made me thing about the choices that I make and with each one wonder if this decison might be the one that will change things completly.

Craziness

Cancer Carnival day at PCHS. It is for a great cause and it is a lot of fun but it drives me insane. Every rule put into place and enforced throughout a year is shot to hell. They can have cell phones, ipods, hats...just a little bit of crazy.

So, this week I realized that I'm emotionaly attached to my students and that consistency does work. For nine weeks, I have forced kids to meet the standards set for them and they have whined, complained, and cussed me out but suddenly on week 10, like magic, they became human...most of them.